Funny Lawyer and Attorney Jokes

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?
Little Old Woman: No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney: Why not?
Little Old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I
haven't felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney: What happened next?
Little Old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just spread my old legs and said to
him, "Take me, young man, Take me!"
Defense Attorney: Did he take you?
Little Old Woman: Hell, no. That's when he yelled, “April Fool!” And that's when I shot
the son of a bitch!

Attorney to Witness: "Your foster son, Corey, who cooks for him?”
Witness: “Oh, I do.”
Attorney: “How often do you cook for him?”
Witness: “We have probably one good meal a week.”
Attorney: “Well, no commentary on your cooking, but how many bad meals do you

The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict.
Bitterly he asked, “What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?”
The foreman answered, “Insanity.”
The D.A. said, “All twelve of you???”

A lawyer died and arrived at the gates of paradise. In his confusion, there are thousands of
the person before him in line to see St.Peter. To his surprise, St. Peter left his desk in
door and down the long line in which a lawyer was, and greeted him warmly.
Then St. Peter and one of his assistants took the lawyer's hands and guided it up
the front line, and a comfortable chair by his desk. The lawyer said: "I
mind all this attention, but why am I so special? "
St Peter replied, "Well, I added all the time in which you billed your clients, and
By my calculations, you should be about 193 years! "

Weekend links, odds & ends, and a giveaway winner!

Henry wanted to try his hand at web-chatting on his own! ;)

Today I head off to Las Vegas, but before I hit the road with Anita, I thought I'd share a couple of odds and ends, and some links!  I'm super excited about this weekend and I can't wait to spend some good quality girl time with Anita, Andy, Brittney and Vanessa! I adore these gals and I envision tons of fun over the next couple of days! Feel free to follow along via Twitter or instagram (danihampton) for fun updates.

A couple quick blog-related items:

This is just a note for any of my upcoming sponsors- because I'll be away on the 1st, your ad will go up the evening of Sunday the 2nd. I'll leave them up one extra day next month to make up the difference.

The winner of the Handmade Colectibles $45 shop credit is Jessica West Judkins! Jessica, go ahead and email me at sometimessweetblog @ gmail to claim your prize. Congratulations, and thanks again to all who entered!

Bright Starts was kind enough to send Henry a toy to check out, and although I was under no obligation to blog about it, I really wanted to share how much he loves it!  We got it about a month ago, and at first he wasn't sure what to do with the little pop-ups, but now he totally understands to push them down, then pop them back up again. He loves it. I also think the airplane noises it makes are pretty awesome and I'd highly recommend checking out this toy if you're in the market for a fun cause/effect toy for your child, or as a gift for a little one around Henry's age. Their website is great too, and definitely worth a look.

And now, some links!  I hope all of you have the best weekend - thank of me this weekend as I'm out and about in Vegas. I may pull a slot machine or two, so send me good luck vibes too! ;)


James' "Bits and Pieces" feature makes me so happy. I love all of the fun glimpses into her family's everyday.

I am loving this video- giving old books new life! I immediately thought of one of my favorite literary friends, Diana!

Live in the Phoenix area? Doesn't this restaurant sound good? It's definitely on our list of must-gos.

Totally enjoyed reading Kelly Ann's 10 things. I think I may do this next week!

Okay, how neat is this?! I think it would be so useful.

Jumpsuit Friday? Where do I sign up? I think these women are adorable.

More babies in blog world! I am just tickled pink for this soon to be mama!

This is a great idea for a cheap update in your home. And a great idea for renters.

Peter Pan collars. For everything you own!

Liz's post has me wanting to pack up and take a little weekend trip to Pinetop, AZ.

I am such a sucker for English Muffins (and butter, yum), that I am absolutely trying out this recipe soon.

Seriously loving all of the details in this baby shower.

If you fall, and you love food...then I promise, you'll love this post.

The prettiest ring for a cool $9. Awesome.

Greige and sherbet...I think this may just be my new favorite color combination.

I really enjoy reading all of my Journal Day submissions. This week, I found Liz's post to be extraordinarily raw (and so brave). 

I always admire all of Jen's outfits, but this one really stands out. The fall colors are so inspiring!

This post makes me want to head to the nearest fair immediately! I simply love all of Emily's photos.

And finally, a couple blogs I've been extra-loving lately: one, two and three.

I also want to end with my girl Adele's new video. I just LOVE her!

9 to 5: Sarah Fortune Gill, Public Relations Coordinator in the Funeral Industry

new feature!

This week's 9 to 5 lady is one of my favorite online friends, Sarah! I always love following along on all of her traveling adventures via her blog and twitter, and now her biggest adventure (she's about to have her first baby!) is the best yet. Trust me when I say that Sarah is one of THE cutest mamas-to-bes I've ever seen. Or, stop by and say hello and see for yourself! :)

 Tell us about yourself.

I’m Sarah, but I go by my first and middle name in internet land. Raised by hippies in Memphis, Tennessee I received the middle name Fortune, hence my blog, Now thirty years old, I live with my amazing, curly haired husband, Todd, in the college town of Fayetteville, Arkansas. I have to say, I never thought I would end up in Arkansas, but I am completely in love with my sweet little town. We’re expecting our first baby, a girl, this October, so lately my blog (and brain) has been taken over with all things tiny and pink!

For the past three years I’ve worked as the Public Relations Coordinator at a non-profit organization in the (wait for it...) funeral industry. And that’s not even the exciting part. Truth be told, I don’t work directly with death, funerals, or even the deceased. My company, which has been around for over one hundred years, administers the exam people take in order to be licensed funeral directors across the United States. In my position, I help out around the office with typical day-to-day administrative tasks, but the best part about my job is that I organize our company meetings at various hotels. We typically hold these meetings across the country and it’s my duty to find the perfect location. Now THIS is the exciting part.

Describe a typical day at work.

During a normal week, I do the 8 to 5 thing in a small office. When it comes to meeting planning, there is a ton of research that goes into selecting locations before I ever set foot on a hotel property, which I do from my cozy office in Fayetteville. I’m fortunate to love the people that I work with and that I get to wear whatever I want to my laid-back office, which is a major perk if you ask me.

But probably the number one aspect of my job is that I am given the difficult task of trying out prospective hotels to see if they would work for our meetings. Is the food good? Are the beds comfy? How are the bath products? Yeah, it can be rough. Meeting Planning is a huge industry and hotels go way out of their way to make sure that you pick their property. The memories I’ve gained from the travel I’ve done are incredible. A champagne helicopter ride over Las Vegas, dinner on the beaches of Maui, and box seats at the 2011 BCS National Championship game in Scottsdale are just a few memorable experiences I’ve had so far in my career.

I often work closely with the Convention & Visitors Bureaus of prospective cities, who send out my request for hotel proposals and help me determine what might be the best fit for my group. Occasionally though, I’m invited to attend exclusive Meeting Planner “Familiarization Trips” which are designed to show off a certain city or hotel that maybe we haven’t considered before. These trips are intense, lemme tell you. It’s usually a few days of non-stop tours of hotels, where each one literally wines and dines you. I’m talking the best food, the best drinks, the best VIP concerts (I may have watched Ludacris perform by the Palms pool in Vegas once). While it all sounds like a rather lavish ordeal (and it is), experiencing a hotel first hand truly is invaluable when it comes to making a final decision. And for every fun-filled trip I take, there is a meeting that I meticulously plan out every detail of and then make sure it all folds out according to plan. The act of carrying out the meeting is far less glamourous, full of early mornings, late nights, and aching feet from running around in heels all day. But it’s a great feeling to see an event that you’ve worked so hard on for a solid year come to life, hopefully with no major bumps along the way.

Did you always want to work in this industry? How did you get into this field? What kind of schooling or background did it entail?

Honestly, before this job I had NO idea that the meeting planning field even existed. When people ask what it is exactly, I compare it to event planning, but more for the corporate world. I have to choose the room set-up, select the food and beverage, stay within my budget, book travel, line up speakers, and then help it all unfold seamlessly. Although many Meeting Planners went to school for hospitality, my major in college was Advertising and Public Relations. While studying, I worked for myself selling vintage clothes through my online shop, Bittersweet Styles. Knowing that I didn’t want to do that forever, I took an internship right after graduation doing public relations for a local performing arts center. Once that came to an end, I literally opened the newspaper and this job jumped out at me from the classifieds. I’ve been fortunate to have an employer that has been willing to teach me the ins and outs of meeting planning, plus allow me to attend classes and conventions where I gain continuing education credits in the field. So while I knew the things I was interested in, I never had a clear idea of what exactly I wanted to do with my degree. But as with everything else in my life, it all seemed to fall right into place.

Is this what you hope to do for the rest of your life? If so, how do you see yourself growing in this career? If not, what else do you dream of doing? Where do you see yourself in 10 years, career-wise?

It’s hard to say where I’ll be in 10 years, but I would love for it to be right here where I am now. With this career, I feel settled, yet I still get to experience new things all the time. Every day I think about how fortunate I am not only to have a great job in today’s economy, but to truly enjoy what I do. With a baby along the way though, I can see myself wanting to travel a little less and focus more on what I can do for the organization here at home. Beyond all of the exciting travel, it feels really good to work for an organization that, even though most people don’t know it exists, plays an essential role in maintaining a high level of standard in the death care field. Something we’ll all unfortunately have to deal with at some point.

If you could tell your 17-year old self anything about your life today, what would you tell her? 

I definitely took the non-traditional route, so this is a tough one. I was home-schooled for my last two years of high school and then took some time off to travel, work, and live in Washington D.C. for a couple years before concentrating on college. Part of me would tell my 17-year old self to go to college immediately after high school, but if I had done that I wouldn’t be where I was today - happy and content, with tons of great memories.

Fall Albums

Is anyone else excited???

Journal Day! V.4

There's been so many moments in life, both good and bad, that have a hand at shaping us into the person we are today.  When looking back at our lives as a whole, it can be hard to pinpoint exact instances where we've changed immensely or grown as people- often these are gradual changes that sneak up on us over time. It's only when we take a huge step back and really think about it, are we able to see all these sequences of events as separate pieces.  And sure, hundreds of different events play a part in bringing us into the present, but when you really break it down, there are definitely moments that stand out more than others.

So with that said -

Looking at all of the life you've lived so far, can you pinpoint one time frame or instance that you feel truly contributed to your growth as a person?  This may be a turning point, a positive or negative experience, a moment or collection of moments that stand out in your mind...something that changed you as a whole.

I'd always been someone who dated a lot, and throughout high school and college I had my fair share of boyfriends, although nothing terribly serious...until I met this one particular guy my sophomore year of college.  I met him at the shop I worked at and I felt an immediate attraction- I thought he was so handsome, funny, and unlike most guys I had been interested in before.  Up until that point you could say that I always dated "my type" - starting way back in junior high I usually found myself hanging out and dating boys who skateboarded, played music, and if they were into sports they weren't what my friends and I un-apologetically labeled as "meatheads."  This guy though was a far-cry from any of the skater boys I grew up with, the opposite of my friends in bands, and so incredibly different from most of the guys I spent my time with. I wasn't even sure why I liked him. But I did.

As time went on we started to hang out more; we'd joke around throughout our shifts at work, stay a little bit later helping each other straighten up the shelves, talk about our separate plans for the weekend.  Then one day he asked me out on a date.  I of course said yes, and the next couple of days went by in a blur as I found myself being swept away in excitement.

He picked me up on a Thursday night and I was greeted with a rose on the passenger seat when I got in the car. Back then I was blown away- none of my previous dates had shown this level of chivalry outside of the corsages at school dances their mothers had thoughtfully ordered. We headed out to eat Indian food, which I'd never had before. Conversation was light, easy. Afterward we went to get frozen yogurt (my favorite), and I'll never forget him watching me finish my cup of yogurt (my very small cup, mind you), and saying to me, "my god, you don't have to scrape out every last bit!" as I scooped up the last couple of vanilla flavored spoonfuls. And he wasn't joking. In my happiness with the evening I let this strange comment kind of drift away with a smile, and as he dropped me off at my house I floated inside, eager to share the details of the night with my girlfriends.

So yeah, it was a great night, minus the weird comment. And as time went on, we became a couple. And the rose on the front seat? That was only the start. This guy pulled out all the stops. Fancy dinners, weekends away, little gifts. I'd never, ever dated anyone who treated me this way...and I liked it. But soon comments like the one that night at the frozen yogurt shop started happening more regularly. Just little things, here and there, but they added up. We were so different, so I always made excuses for his odd remarks and sometimes unpredictable behavior.

As time went on we began to argue, he would yell, get very angry, and eventually we totally stopped getting along. In retrospect I can see parts of myself slowly start to change to suit him. I see myself backing down from arguing with him, starting to lose interest in the things I used to love. I don't really know how it happened- it's part embarrassing, part weird, part really surprising...but I let myself change because that's what I thought my boyfriend wanted.  I'd never done that before; in the past I'd always been a super-independent girl. I knew what I wanted and knew who I was. But somehow I'd let this guy into my head in the most negative way, and when we broke up a few months later for good, I didn't feel sad- I felt surprisingly free.

It's still a mystery to me how I let that happen. Luckily I only spent a few months with that jerk, and I suppose it was a blessing in disguise, because that winter taught me exactly what I shouldn't be doing.  And then of course exactly what I should be doing, too.

For those months spent with someone I allowed myself to change for- for that time I gave up as I pretty much morphed into some weakened version of myself, I'm grateful. I truly look at that relationship as a turning point in my life. It really showed me who I was, and I think I had to lose myself somewhere along the way to really find myself. Sure, certain things will always remind me of this bizarre time in my life- there are particular country songs that still give me the creeps, and every so often Autumn, Shirley and I will get a laugh quoting whats-his-name while eating frozen yogurt- but the best lingering memories from all of it are the life lessons I learned.

For a long time I felt foolish about letting that happen. I was perplexed at how me, Ms. Outgoing-Life-of-the-Party could ever allow some guy to change who I was. But now I just chalk it up to another one of those "growing up" experiences, and certainly an experience who shaped me into the girl I am today.  And later on, this newly re-self-assured girl would date a whole bunch of great guys who treated me just how I deserved to be treated...and then one special guy in particular who would eventually become my husband. I loved myself, and allowed myself to be loved. A pretty awesome ending if I do say so myself.

I'm moving back to having you guys link up in the comments - I did love using inlinkz, but realized that if I was to re-format my blog I'd lose all of your links! So instead, just go ahead and post your link in the comments, along with a little excerpt from your journaling! Can't wait  to read them. :)

Our family portrait collection grows...

I wanted to share something really special that my friend Cameron created for my little family...a three-dimensional paper-cut portrait set! I've posted about Cameron and his amazing talent before, and I seriously cannot get over what he's made here. What a talented guy, huh?!

If you like what you see, stay tuned, because Cameron will be hosting another giveaway right here in just a few weeks.  He does portraits by very limited commission via his shop, so check back often to see if they're available, or follow his blog or twitter to stay up to date!

And thank you again Cameron for this amazing gift. Our minds are blown! We love it so much and will treasure it for years and years to come.

Final 1
Final 3
Final 7
Final 9
Final 5
Final 14

Tattoo Tuesday V.89

Name/blog name: Jessica // &
Age: 28
Occupation: Beer giver and tour guide at New Belgium Brewing
Age of 1st tattoo: 20
Favorite Tattoo: flying cupcake
Featured tattoo/location: deer on my calf
Artist/shop/location of featured tattoo: Ish Johnson in Fort Collins, CO

1) Tell us about the tattoo you are sharing with us- is there a background story or special meaning? Why did you choose this particular piece of art?

I've always thought deer were beautiful and gentle and have been drawn to images of them in art and photography. I knew I wanted a tattoo of the most handsome deer with flowers and feathers around him. I told my tattoo artist that I wanted him to be delicate and ornate with bright colors (kind of like a Jesus candle, you know, the ones at the grocery store?). Ish's drawing exceeded my expectations, and I am so happy with the tattoo!

2) Do you have any other tattoos? If so, what do you have and where?

I have quite the tattoo collection that is quickly growing! My most favorite is the cupcake on my right foot. Every time the artist colored in a sprinkle he giggled.

On my left wrist I have script that says "To write with light". It's the literal translation of photo-graphie, which is Latin for photography.

There is a pink bunny on my left shoulder carrying a banner that says "LuLu". This one is for my dog. My two nick names for her are fluffy bunny and LuLu.

And on my right arm I have a half sleeve that wraps around my back of a Japanese garden. This one was actually my first real tattoo (I have a small one on my back that will be covered eventually) and I surprised myself and went big! There are peonies, cherry blossoms, and a bird on the inside of my arm, all surrounded by clouds. This piece was done by Carlos Truan in Austin, TX, and I am in love with the bright saturated color and insane detail!

3) Do you plan on getting more?

Yes, I'm definitely getting more. My next one will be a blue carnation on my left elbow. It's my mom's favorite flower. Then I have plans for a Russian nesting doll, and I'm playing with ideas for a side piece.

4) How do your family and friends feel about your tattoo(s)? Have you run into any adversity or negativity because of them?

My family is pretty accepting of my tattoos, even though I'm the only one in my family with any. All of my friends are accepting as well, and the ones without any tattoos love mine. My fiance is also pretty heavily tattooed. He has two Japanese half sleeves that go across his chest, and he'll be extending to full sleeves soon. Most people react to me in a positive way. It's funny how many compliments I get from elderly people and how many people tell me that they normally don't like tattoos but think mine are pretty. I was also surprised at the fact that the more tattoos I got, the more people talked to me about them. I would assume the opposite would happen and I would come across as more intimidating or something. That being said, I have come across negativity as well. Nasty looks, offensive comments, and rude people thinking it's ok to touch me even though we don't know each other. But that all comes with the territory and is to be expected when visibly tattooed. I try not to let mean people get to me.

5) Any advice for those interested in getting tattooed but haven't gotten one yet?

Tattoos can be a great reminder not to take life too seriously. Have fun with them! Just be prepared that after you get your first tattoo you will probably want more. If you get a very meaningful tattoo, keep in mind that if it's in a visible place, people will ask you about it, so make sure it's something you're comfortable talking about to strangers. Also, because you have tattoos other people will want to show you theirs (which gets really annoying). My fiance's favorite saying is "Yes I have tattoos, no I don't want to see yours". And most importantly, find an artist whose style you like, give them artistic freedom (they know what looks good on skin and I've always been blown away at how much better their drawing is than what I had originally imagined), and never bargain hunt.
Oh yeah, and they hurt. ;)

Funny Photo Fun

Relax and enjoy funny photo fun

- Automobile on remote

- Boat pulling a boat.

- Goose Stealing money

- Half drunk horse

- Nightmare Bus (scary one)

- The most secure garage in the world to park your Ferrari.

- This is the end of the road.

- Tiger sitting over tiger.

Feature post & Giveaway: Handmade Colectibles


 Regardless if Handmade Colectibles was a sponsor of mine or not, I would have been SO into sharing this fabulous woman and small business with all of you. I actually had the privilege of meeting Cole last year and fell in love with her super sweet personality. She's truly a doll. And even better, Cole's incredibly creative and makes some of the most gorgeous felt creations at her Etsy shop.  We actually have a mustard and cream wreath hanging on our front door, and her roses throughout our home. I can tell you from first hand experience what great quality they are, and how fabulous Cole's customer service is. I love the idea that you can give a bouquet that will last forever.  This month Better Homes and Gardens agrees with me, and you can find her in their Holiday and Crafts issue, on newsstands now. Also be sure to check out her personal blog, it's really inspiring and one of my favorites.

the same wreath we have on our door!

From Cole:

Hi I'm Cole, wife & mama, blogger, Arizona native & pretty-felt-flower maker. I’ve been obsessed with roses ever since I was a little girl and my dad would bring me home a bouquet full of them every year on my birthday.  Nowadays the fascination has turned into a creative passion as I spend my days making handmade roses out of wool felt so that they can be treasured forever. I love being able to create something unique and beautiful for someone’s home or wedding day and know that it will be something that they can cherish for years to come.  Handmade Colectibles began a year ago and it has been an exciting journey ever since. My hope is that you will fall in love with one of my creations because I absolutely love making each one.

And today I am REALLY excited to offer a rad giveaway from Handmade Colectibles. 

Up for grabs is a $45 shop credit!

Here's how to enter:

Visit Handmade Colectibles on Facebook, and become a fan by "liking" the page.  Then leave a comment below letting me know you did so, along with your name and email address! Simple!

I'll choose a winner THIS THURSDAY, 9/29/11.

Good luck to all who enter!

.... Icon....

David Bowie